Questions of why and bottoming
I like to bottom. I like being told what to do. I like to figure out ways to complete challenges given to me by my top. I like being tied up. I like getting bruises. I like knowing that if I don’t do something in the right way, or fast enough, or if I totally fail a challenge, then I will be punished for it and I can see the result. I like knowing that my punishment is in direct relation to my failing to do something, and not just a cruel twist of fate. I like giving control to someone else because I’m always in control for everyone else.
Is that wrong? Is there a wrong way to feel about bottoming? It’s just such a comfort. To not have to think for five people. To not have to please anyone but my top (and sometimes myself.) To watch earned bruises heal, knowing that it’s okay to hurt and to see that hurt manifested. To not be in control but still be in control. To be rewarded for good behaviour. To feel good enough. To feel safe. To be denied privileges and have to earn them. To just vocalize my immediate pain. To let out a mighty yawp as the implement of pain comes down to hurt me. To travel somewhere else outside my thoughts and worries. To come back down and feel safe. To be permitted to do things that I would otherwise deny myself in everyday life. To let go.
That’s what I think about when I think about bottoming. Is that wrong? Am I using this in the wrong way?
